Believe

It’s hard to find something that you can really believe in.

Ask yourself, what is it that you strive for?

Are you trying to impress others, or are you trying to impress yourself? Are you fighting to protect people, or are you fighting simply to fight? Do you love the ones you are with, or are you just waiting for something better?

These are just a few of the questions that dance about my mind each night. I struggle very hard – grasping at whatever answers I can find in a grim attempt to discover things undiscovered.

I reach the same conclusion every night:

“Stop thinking and go to sleep already, you fucking moron.”

Seriously, I can’t even begin to describe the countless clock ticks that haunt me each night while I waste away with eyes wide open on my bed.

Finding something that you can really believe in is, in my battered opinion, one of the few things that a person has control over.

My life is like a messy college room that I attempt to clean every week, but it always ends in chaos. I try my best to take care of it. I vacuum the floor that supports me, I clean the walls that confine me, and I oil the door that holds my path so it’s not so creaky and unnerving when I step through it. And for a little while each week, everything is great, but without constant fine-tuning and maintenance, it all goes to shit.

I guess that’s why I spend so much time thinking about these things. It’s my way of trying to adapt to my life. Everyone has their alone time, and I spend mine staring at a ceiling that may or may not collapse on me…

It’s a metaphoric ceiling though, so it wouldn’t hurt…except metaphorically.