Over last week’s break, I did a lot of contemplation, mostly while sitting on the beach.
There’s nothing like staring into the horizon between the abyss of the sky and the sea. If you ever get that chance, please do it. It’s not life-altering, but it can put some things into perspective.
In my life, anytime I start to feel sad, depressed, or lonely, I always write. I often feel like an octopus, constantly surrounded by messy blots of ink that I called my poems and journals.
This isn’t to say that I don’t write when I’m happy, because I do, it’s just that I seem to find my way back to a pen and some paper more easily when I’m not.
Maybe my subconscious is looking for a tissue on which to etch black tears…That’s what I like to call it sometimes.
My writing also tends to get darker and more descriptive too.
I usually shield a lot of what’s going on in my head. It’s not often I can talk to anyone about things without completely freaking them out because of how depressed I can make them feel. Logic can be scary.
Right now is probably the most illogical I’ve felt in quite awhile though. I wish I knew what I was doing. For once, I have absolutely no idea, and it’s slightly hard to deal with.
One of the things I’ve prided myself in is being able to control and assess every situation I’m in with precision and efficiency, but right now, I can’t. I don’t know why.
I really don’t know where I’m going with this, so I’ll probably just stop talking now. Sorry for being so vague, but I really just needed somewhere to spit some text out.
I would go outside for some fresh air, but it’s dark and cloudy right now…
I think that it’s good though, because a clear sky just wouldn’t feel right.
